Attack of the Mush: The Answer

The Answer

As an avid reader of my blog – a fan, dare I say, you probably know about the guy I once had a very interesting conversation with. Well, he remains ever so elusive when it comes to hanging out and meeting me for coffee. But for those who don’t know the story, read this. After months of chatting online and sometimes even on the phone we scheduled a meeting Dec 19, 2009. But alas, the day came and went and no meeting ever took place. I remember I sms’d him the day before the destined meeting asking if we were still “on” and he replied with something like, “I can’t blah, blah, blah, because some excuse, blah, blah, blah!” He promised. But I guess like anything else in the planet… nothing’s permanent --- especially words thrown to the wind. As they say, promises are made to be broken. And so it did. He did.

Perhaps on his blog entry about the same topic, on which he was contemplating whether to meet me or not, the NOT won. He wasn’t prepared. And he did disappoint. And so I ask myself, is it all worth it? Is all the waiting, longing, flirting and interesting conversations worth everything? And although I know the answer in my mind, my heart wants to prove me wrong otherwise. Maybe he was stuck in some national crisis that he needed to resolve. Maybe he went to a much needed mani-pedi. Maybe he was scared. Maybe he was weak. Or maybe the conversations, interesting as it maybe were simply not enough. Oh well… ces’t la vie.

Moving on.

Another Saturday night in Malate proved to me that I am indeed getting old. Not only was I less (much less) of a drinker, I also had less fun dancing and listening to club music. Signs of aging as one friend pointed out. I have been going to Malate since I was 16 years old after all. For as long as I could remember, Malate was the only place where gay guys gather on a stressful week. It’s a place to hang-out, relax, meet old friends and gain new ones. Not to mention, a place to get all the meat you can get your hands on – so long as they’re willing. Mind you, gay guys can be really, really picky. Checklists? Gay guys probably have these as top three: (1) Hot --- smoking hot body. (2) To die for looks. (3) Mediocre brains. Now these are just general assumptions. It can vary depending on scale, percentage and statistics. As for me, I go there for friends --- just to be with friends. Gone are the days when hook-ups, Quick Fixes, and NSA-ONS are on the menu. I’ve been telling my friends, that if I reach 40 and I’m still hanging out in Malate to get laid, someone just put me out of my misery and shoot me.

Nevertheless, since I was already there I decided to take a look around and simply observe. And that I did. I saw this one guy who for all intent and purposes was there to get hooked-up. He was all over the place hoping, begging to be noticed. And after an hour or so, he finally proved successful when he was groping another guy – which was with another guy (a friend) later that evening. Talk about all aboard. I also saw familiar faces, those who are friends with the owners, or simply there every weekends. These are the social leeches that cling on the ladder to get noticed. They beso-beso with the “it” people hoping to be “it” themselves only to be later on trampled by the real socialites entering the club -- Pathetic, isn’t it? Then there are the friends of the owners who dance around like puppets on the whim of a master puppeteer. These are the college drop-outs with tons of money from their parents but zero English-speaking skills. The dumb blondes.

And so, it only proves how sad, very sad lives some if not most gay guys lead. They live for the moment only because the future seems bleak without a family to build. They hold no respect for themselves only because they think Malate is an appropriate place to be promiscuous. The everyone-does-it-so-it-must-be-good mentality.

Last Saturday I found my answer…

I call him Beh!